HAPPY LAST BIRTHDAY :)



If anyone asks, I'll tell them we both just moved on. When people all stare, I'll pretend that I don't hear them talk. Whenever I see you, I'll swallow my pride and bite my tongue. Pretend I'm okay with it all. Act like there's nothing wrong. Is it over yet? Can I open my eyes? Is this as hard as it gets? Is this what it feels like to really cry? Cry. If anyone asks, I'll tell them we just grew apart. Yeah what do I care, if they believe me or not. Whenever I feel your memory is breaking my heart, I'll pretend I'm okay with it all. Act like there's nothing wrong. Is it over yet? Can I open my eyes? Is this as hard as it gets? Is this what it feels like to really cry? Cry. I'm talking in circles, I'm lying, they know it. Why won't this just all go away. Is it over yet? Can I open my eyes? Is this as hard as it gets? Is this what it feels like to really cry? Cry. Cry.

Damn nice this song omg.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZ. School's at nine tmr. Zzz shld I go shld I go shld I go. I think I will still go in the end, though I really feel like sleeping in. Damn loser. Hahaha HOW SIA. SHLD I GO SHLD I GO SHLD I GO.

Just because I think this makes a lot of sense too....

“ Wait for the person who pursues you, the one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical, the kind of person who brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person ; wait for the person who will be your best friend , the only person who will drop everything to be with you at any time no matter what the circumstances, for the person who makes you smile like no one else and when they smile you know they need you. Wait for the person who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats and a tee shirt, but appreciates it when you get dressed up for them. And most of all, wait for the person who will put you up at the center of their universe, because that’s where you belong. "
Credits to source





:)

Do you believe in happy endings? I don't, but they do.

Lumpy Lumpy Lumpy, five more days :>

I think I'm a huge fan of junk food. Ever since Shaker fries came back, I've been eating it non-stop for the past three days. For lunch, dinner and supper. Hahahah Friday was the bomb when I had Macs for breakfast, lunch and supper omg. Seriously so much for healthy living. This afternoon my mom forced me to eat a huge bowl of rice and I barely finished it cos I was feeling so full, but straight after I ate like 5 kit kats and a whole packet of tim tam double coat. HAHAHA one nice big fat joke there. Number one junk food fan \m/

So my plan of the day to study and conquer Martini is so gona phail again, I have barely two hours to read up as much as I can before heading out to watch The Haunting in Connecticut with Kim. She'll probably be laughing at the movie or me I can so predict. Cheer up k Alliance, I let you laugh at me :) & my Pao joke funny right. Hahaha.

Kayzers time to start on my worky worky later I phail then I die then I come to a no good end then my life will be gone forever HAHAHAH WHAT NONSENSE.

Give thanks cos its the weekends again, but I just realised that I'm halfway through Saturday and I just spent the whole day rotting away. So much for planning to study in the afternoon cos I wanted to make it up for going out at night.. But guess not. I need to go shower soon so I wont be late to meet up later. Zzz I WILL study tmr at Starbucks :)






Just tell me what you've got to say to me,
I've been waiting for so long to hear the truth,
It comes as no surprise at all you see,
So cut the crap and tell me that we're through.

Now I know your heart, I know your mind,
You don't even know you're being unkind,
So much for all your high brow Marxist ways,
Just use me up and then you walk away.
Boy, you can't play me that way.

Well I guess what you say is true,
I could never be the right kind of girl for you,
I could never be your woman.
I could never be your woman,
I could never be your woman,
I could never be your woman.

When I saw my best friend yesterday,
She said she never liked you from the start,
Well me, I wish that I could claim the same,
But you always knew you held my heart.

And you're such a charming, handsome man,
Now I think I finally understand,
Is it in your genes, I don't know,
But I'll soon find out, that's for sure,
Why did you play me this way?

Well I guess what you say is true,
I could never be the right kind of girl for you,
I could never be your woman.
I could never be your woman,
I could never be your woman,
I could never be your woman.

Well I guess what they say is true,
I could never spend my life with a man like you.
I could never be your woman.
I could never be your woman,
I could never be your woman,
I could never be your woman.

DIG THIS SONG. REALLY DIG IT. GO DIG IT TOO.

Couldn't live without you, but I tried too long.


Yay I finally went to collect my laptop today! Thanks to the idiot I had company today. I am no longer deprived of the internet anymore mwehehehehe ^^

Caught Harry Potter with R on Sat night and omg, he never even changed a single bit -_- The first time I saw him, he had this mega dua blueblack on his left eye. On sat night when I saw him, he had a protruding lump at the proximal side of his right eye. HAHA what a joke seriously. It was damn funny in the theatre when the guy behind him put his damn smelly legs on his chair and R went to smell it accidentally. HAHAHAHA then he go and scare me in the show for nothing, just cos I wasn't really paying attention -_- BASKET. But it was good seeing him anyway :}

Monday was so drained cos I spent three hours in eplaza doing my zzz report with Shern. We were like dying cos that wasn't the only thing that was killing us. Zzz then after which we made a HUGE discovery tgt coincidentally we were like screaming in the lab as though it was like our house. Hahahaha though now I'm not really bothered by it but at that time when we found out it was a HUGE deal. Lol the world is really small. Small untillllllllllllllllllllllll

Oh ya for all my 3 modules, I failed 2 out of 3. HAHA joke. and my next ICA is like coming soon, shld be in about 2 - 3 weeks time. ZZZZ gona phail again.... No cannot, I want to PASS. I can do it. Yes I can. And I will. I will psycho myself to do it.

Listening to this particular remix now, damn mother goooooood! :} It's really shit good. Never knew he listened to these kinda songs. Haha Yay tmr I bring my hard drive then ask Ck to give me all his remixes then I'll be a happy kiddo :} :}

& sorry Painisgood! HAHAHAH still can act so ignorant when I saw your text I'm sorry luh okay! I know you will see this. Your birthday treat when we meet sooooon yes :)

The Best word that I use now to comfort myself - BLOCK.

Doesn't it hurt like sick shit? Other than that my life has been almost perfect.
Thanks K, Gf, the two Bs and um, ll hahaha :}




9 more days!

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. I am so screwed. Hahahahahaha as I'm typing this I shld be doing my Physiology report but I'm screwed so obviously I'm not doing it. Still can laugh at a time like this, champion la. I really detest the way I do things, always so last minute, panicking till my heart can explode to a million pieces. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz okay after this I'm so gona sleep.

Anyway gf is really da bomb hahahahaha. I love the way she can be so heartless and straightforward at times, telling me stuff that will actually make me change my mind. Lol really DA BEST. She really never fails to cheer me up. ♥ you gf :}

Also, the 2 Bs that has recently made me happy too cos well, they will do things to entertain me. Hahahahha. ♥♥

Shall stop here today.

Just because I think this makes a lot of sense....


As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.
You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time.
You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.
You'll fight with your best friend.
You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.
You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.
So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Credits to source

One by one, it never stops coming. And I can never EVER see the bottom clearing up. But at the same time, I get so overwhelmed by the gray (grey?) areas I don't know what to choose or trust anymore. I hear things from one side and try not to care, but what I'm seeing is telling me that its a fact and that I've to face it. But as usual, I am stubborn, ignorant, selfish, self centered, unreasonable, ugly, fat and whatever that makes me look inferior.. So obviously I'm always at the losing end.

Talking to people makes me realise a lot of things. Always make me think about my actions towards certain things. Like whether I regretted what I did or never did. Sigh, thinking too much again.

Okay okay, I'm not emo okay just in case anyone gets the wrong idea. Tsk I'm just glad I have two Bs in my life now. I'm contented enough :)

Goodnight :)

Since I always talk about my neutral moments (HAHA), I shall talk about my super happy time man :) :) :) Hehehe when I found out smthg ytd I was damn happy and relieved. Hahahah seriously. Can't explain how happy I am, been waiting so long for it to get out of my chest and finally it did :) :) :) Hehehehehehehe. Probably the happiest moment of the week.

Right now I gotta study for Anatomy tmr. ZZZ the weather has been killing me since my sensitive nose is very vulnerable to temperature changes. I sneezed like a mad dog today, only when I reached home to eat my allergy medication then everyth was under control. I felt like dying while studying at Starbucks today. And I spent 20$ on food and drinks the whole afternoon -_- Damn pig I know. Hahaha but I felt so much happier after eating. Hehe.

Okay right now, after blogging bout why I'm happy, I'm really very happy now. HAHAHA I'm weird I know. But I don't really care, Lol my happiness don't last very long so when it's here, so I must learn to treasure it. Haha.

Back to studying, trying to cramp one million things into my saturated brain now. Pray that the caramel frap I drank this afternoon will keep me awake for at least past 2am.

Da jia wan an :)

10 March 2007

Sometimes you dont understand the issue, you're being so narrow minded that you only see what you want to see. To always think you're in the right, to always want to be in the right. Feel like crap whenever smthg doesnt go your way, to only hate bcos you cant voice out your thoughts. To think is this it? Is this what's gona happen next? Is this a spiteful act? All these run through your mind cos of lil insignificant actions that makes you think SO SO MUCH. Cos you dont wna look at it the other way round, always waiting for ppl to tell you before you realise that there's another possibility, but you just dont wna admit it. But after a while, you start to realise, realise that hey, things dont look the way like it seems too, (although im still not sure haha) but at least I look at more options to the problems now. Cos when 6 ppl tell you the one same thing (thanks P!) over and over, you cant help but ponder why would they say the exact same thing? Why would they ask you to get a life now or never, to be stuck or to move on. Sorted it out for so long, its your choice. Your choice to stay, or your choice to get your ass out of the situation. You can never change that much, and being different doesnt always mean you're on the bad side. It just changes the impressions of how others look at you. (dont really care anyway) So hey, why does things look so bad for you?

Cos when you speak, everything said up there just magically disappears into the palms of your hands. Its back. All the driving facts into my head talks, the long hour talks just vanish into worthless conversations. All the dont think!, dont think! self talks are useless. Staying in bed the whole day, stoning for long hours, even crying are all deemed as meaningless. Why are you so weak, why do you always get yourself into this.

Congrats, you're back to square one.

-

30th April 2007

im so sick of always being the one at fault so sick of having to take the initiative to apologise even though its not my fault doesnt seem like my fault or maybe its not even my fault im so sick of having to report every single detail about what i do and when i dont i get shit treatment and i dont even know what the hell is going on im so so sick of always being the one thats blamed always being called the bitch the one who's unfaithful the one who broke her life the unbelievable one that she fell for the one that made her life miserable the one that everybody points fingers at the one whereby people i dont know gives me the weirdest glances ever im so sick of handling these issues whereby problems comes to no end where people i get involved in either just dont bother about how i feel or maybe they dont understand the shit im going through im so sick of always being the bad person and whenever there's a bad ending its always ALWAYS my fault im so sick of being called different but all the more i cant change that fact im so sick of hearing stories from related people so sick of saying sorry yet i get yelled at so sick of hiding stuff cos it wont do the other party good and i get blamed for not opening up im so sick thinking why cant they understand im so sick of explaining myself over and over again im so sick of thinking will it happen again will she forgive me will she still like me will she rmb the times she rescued me will she rmb the happy times will we ever be back im so sick of just thinking bout all these looking through stuff im so sick of telling people my miseries and what they can only do is hear me out but they cant change the situation im ubberly sick of the person who could actually change the situation just leave me hanging or trying their best to ignore me making my life more painful than it is im so sick of pretending to be happy pretending as if eveything's alright pretending to be over over so many things pretending to be strong bcos i said so pretending to not know anything when i see someone pretending my feelings pretending as if nothing ever happened im so sick of just pretending im so sick of this year im so sick of everything all i wna do now is eat to be able to go another side whereby the world isnt so small whereby i could just lay on the floor and die.

Was just reading through and wahlao. I was rather emo sia. Hahaha or so at least I sound as if I am, which I don't feel anymore cos it was like donkey years ago. Lol bet everyth was all at that moment, so intense. Hahaha this is retarded.

No idea why i'm like blogging random nonsense. No school tmr (which is Thursday) but Friday's Anatomy. And by which I screwed Kinesology today.

I am going to have a sleepless night again, I can feel it coming cos I napped for 3 hours straight. Shld I meet K for supper now. Hmmm.

Either way, goodnight to those who will be able to sleep happily tonight :)

It comes, and goes, even quicker than lightning.



Contradiction, empty meanings blah blah blah.



If you love them two so much then why don't you just be with them? It's not like obvious anyway. There's time for you to CHANGE YOUR MIND. Then after you do so, remember to keep me in isolation so I can CHANGE MY MIND too.



Wouldn't this be the perfect ending, for someone so cold.





Nap time.

Feel like shit now. Really really damn shit. I don't know why, I just feel like CRAP. Crap, bullshit, dogshit, pigshit whatever that is gross enough to make you understand how I feel. Actually, feeling like shit is an understatement, there's like nothing bad enough to describe it. And I can't relate it to anyone because they wouldn't know how I feel. Fuck, and having so many tests this week isn't helping a single bit.

This is really Great.

I have such a wonderful life.

We are what who we are.



Time to lay claim to the evidence
Finger prints sold me out
But our footprints wash away
From the docks downtown
& it’s been getting late for days
& I think myself deserving of
A little time off
We can kick it here for hours &
Just mouth off about the world
& how we know it’s going straight to hell
Pass me another bottle honey, the Jaeger's so sweet
But if it keeps you around, then I’m down

Meet me on Thames Street
I’ll take you out, though I’m hardly worth your time
In the cold you look so fierce but I’m warm enough
Because the tension’s like a fire
We’ll hit
South Broadway in a matter of minutes
And like a bad movie, I’ll drop a line
Fall in the grave I’ve been digging myself,
But there’s room for two
Six feet under the stars

I should have known better than to call you out
[on a night like this, a night like this]
If not for you, I know I’d tear this place to the ground
[but I’m alright like this, alright like this]
I’m gonna roll the dice before you sober up and get gone
[I’m always in over my head]

Thames Street
I’ll take you out, though I’m hardly worth your time
In the cold you look so fierce but I’m warm enough

Because the tension’s like a fire
We’ll hit
South Broadway in a matter of minutes
And like a bad movie, I’ll drop a line
Fall in the grave I’ve been digging myself,
But there’s room for two
Six feet under the stars

Time to lay claim to the evidence
Finger prints sold me out
But our foot prints washed away
I’m guilty but I’m safe for one more day
Overdressed and underage
[what a let down]
Do you really need to see an id?
This is embarrassing as hell
[what a let down]
But i can cover for it so well
When we’re six feet under the stars

Thames Street
I’ll take you out, though I’m hardly worth your time
In the cold you look so fierce but I’m warm enough
Because the tension’s like a fire
We’ll hit
South Broadway in a matter of minutes
And like a bad movie, I’ll drop a line
Fall in the grave I’ve been digging myself,
But there’s room for two
Six feet under the stars

[whoa oh, whoa oh, whoa oh, whoa oh]
Six feet under the stars
[whoa oh, whoa oh, whoa oh, whoa oh]
Six feet under the stars

Omg love this song hehehe :}


Today's interview was so screwed omg. First I missed the whole day of class to do my cover letter and resume, should give thanks to the template that they gave us to like, copy and paste. Haha then Shern and I rushed to Amk to get her shoes, we thought we were gona die seriously. Racing against time and hunting for shoe shops that sells guy shoes. Hahaha then we rushed all the way back, then during waiting time we had to do this open book test but we forgot to bring our books -_- What a great day huh. But I'm just glad everyth's over now. One down, one gazillion to go!!

I really can't wait for this week to end. Then I can relax and enjoy life again. But its not like I'm not doing it now.... Hahahha. JUST, I was reading Kinesology, I fell asleep at 1015pm, and woke up at 11pm. Hahahahahha omg I'm seriously useless, and test is like on Wednesday.. ZZZZZZ

Anyway Shermaine lent me her laptop for the next few days to complete whatever I have so thanks :> Yay now 'm using her laptop haha. And after this I'm gona go eat the belgian waffles Shern got me from her work at Sb, my fav. Hahaha then back to memorising work again :S

Totally dreading school tmr, from 8am to 5pm I really hate long hours of non stop verbal communication with half the time of me trying to catch what he/she is saying and the end result of giving up and distracting myself with smthg else. Okay, I just need to get past this week. I'm so whiny I feel likekilling myself. Aiya, I know a lot of people want to kill me la. I shall do the honours myself. Hahahahha.

Okay goodbye :>

It has been almost two weeks and I'm seriously dying without my laptop :( I don't want to sound as though I'm very dependent on it but it is really quite inconvenient without it. Sigh. The servicing will take FOREVER.

Trying to memorise the bones of the hands but it just can't seem to get into my head. Thought I could do it before I get some sleep tonight, but I think plan 101 failed again. Zzz

I managed to make up my mind, but I couldn't bring myself to follow it through till the end. So I'm back to the beginning, and its going to be a viscous cycle yet again. I still don't understand what is pulling me back so fast like a magnet, its not like you are fantastic. Okay, getting out of point here.

Alrights, its nearing two, I should get some sleep soon. Haha goodnight :)

I am a total gone case now. There's effing school tmr and I woke up at 4 today, cos I slept at 5 this morning, which means I wont be able to sleep again tonight when my day starts at 9 tmr. But its supposed to be good cos then I can do whatever crash coursing I have in mind for my tests tmr or Tuesday. But being a total gone case, you know my sleepless night will not be dedicated to studying. More of mind games perhaps. I.AM.SO.SCREWED.COM

One year, one year and five months. One thing that I've always remembered about at this time of the month. Today I shall add one more. I have to wait till midnight or slightly past to decide on that. We will see. I hope the better happens of course. But the chances are slimmer than a glimmer of hope. And the most upsetting thing is ignorance.

Back to the books before I decide to give up.